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billyw
Guest
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 Posted: Mon Jul 26, 2004 7:32 pm Post subject: OT:the welsh |
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A ventriloquist visiting Wales, walks into a small village and sees a local
sitting on his porch patting his dog. He figures he'll have a little fun, so
he says to the Welshman "Can I talk to your dog?"
Villager: "The dog doesn't talk, you stupid git."
Ventriloquist: "Hello dog, how's it going mate?"
Dog: "Doin' all right."
Villager: (look of extreme shock)
Ventriloquist: "Is this villager your owner?" (pointing at the villager)
Dog: "Yep"
Ventriloquist: "How does he treat you?"
Dog: "Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food and takes me
to the lake once a week to play."
Villager: (look of utter disbelief)
Ventriloquist: "Mind if I talk to your horse?"
Villager: "Uh, the horse doesn't talk either....I think."
Ventriloquist: "Hey horse, how's it going?"
Horse: "Cool"
Villager: (absolutely dumbfounded)
Ventriloquist: "Is this your owner?" (pointing at the villager)
Horse: "Yep"
Ventriloquist: "How does he treat you?"
Horse: "Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, brushes me
down often and keeps me in the barn to protect me from the elements."
Villager: (total look of amazement)
Ventriloquist: "Mind if I talk to your sheep?"
Villager: (in a panic) You can but she's a f*cking liar!" |
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JaR
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| Posted: Mon Jul 26, 2004 8:31 pm Post subject: Re: OT:the welsh |
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billyw wrote:
| Quote: | A ventriloquist visiting Wales, walks into a small village and sees a local
sitting on his porch patting his dog. He figures he'll have a little fun, so
he says to the Welshman "Can I talk to your dog?"
Oldie but goodie snipped |
'Round these parts, when that joke is told, the villager becomes a
Montana rancher.
Montana; Where the men are men, and the sheep are nervous.
JaR |
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The Poster Formerly Known
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| Posted: Mon Jul 26, 2004 8:31 pm Post subject: Re: OT:the welsh |
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Funny and no doubt based on a true story!
On Mon, 26 Jul 2004 20:25:07 +0100, "billyw" <b@brainless.net> wrote:
| Quote: | A ventriloquist visiting Wales, walks into a small village and sees a local
sitting on his porch patting his dog. He figures he'll have a little fun, so
he says to the Welshman "Can I talk to your dog?"
Villager: "The dog doesn't talk, you stupid git."
Ventriloquist: "Hello dog, how's it going mate?"
Dog: "Doin' all right."
Villager: (look of extreme shock)
Ventriloquist: "Is this villager your owner?" (pointing at the villager)
Dog: "Yep"
Ventriloquist: "How does he treat you?"
Dog: "Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food and takes me
to the lake once a week to play."
Villager: (look of utter disbelief)
Ventriloquist: "Mind if I talk to your horse?"
Villager: "Uh, the horse doesn't talk either....I think."
Ventriloquist: "Hey horse, how's it going?"
Horse: "Cool"
Villager: (absolutely dumbfounded)
Ventriloquist: "Is this your owner?" (pointing at the villager)
Horse: "Yep"
Ventriloquist: "How does he treat you?"
Horse: "Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, brushes me
down often and keeps me in the barn to protect me from the elements."
Villager: (total look of amazement)
Ventriloquist: "Mind if I talk to your sheep?"
Villager: (in a panic) You can but she's a f*cking liar!"
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Kline Sphere (Chalk) MCNGP #3 |
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billyw
Guest
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| Posted: Mon Jul 26, 2004 9:31 pm Post subject: Re: OT:the welsh |
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what about these then, when told in your parts..
bo'ness is a town btw
A Bo'ness Burd goes tae the social tae register fur child benefit.
"How many children?" asks the civil servant "10" replies the girl.
"10???" says the civil servant.. "What are their names?"
"Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec and.....eh...Alec
"Doesn't that get confusing?"
"Naw..." says the girl "its great because if thur oot playin in the street,
ah jist huv tae shout ALEC, YER DINNER'S READY or ALEC, GO TO BED NOW 'n'
they aw dae it..."
"What if you want to speak to one individually?" says the perturbed civil
servant.
"'at's easy," says the girl... "Ah just use thur surnames"
------------------------------------------------------------------------
--
A Bo'ness burd walks into the local dry cleaners. She places a garment on
the counter.
she says"Ah'll be back ra morra efternin tae pick up ma dress.
"Come again?" says the clerk, cupping his ear.
"Naw" she replies.
"This time it's mayonnaise."
------------------------------------------------------------------------
---
Bo'ness burd enters a sex shop & asks for a vibrator.
The man says "Choose from our range on the wall.
" She says "Gies that rid yin"
The man replies "That's a fire extinguisher."
------------------------------------------------------------------------
---
Bo'ness burd enters a sex shop & asks for a vibrator.
The man says "Choose from our range on the wall.
" She says "Gies that tartan yin"
The man replies "That's ma bloody flask."
------------------------------------------------------------------------
---
A Bo'ness burd is involved in a nasty car crash and is trapped and bleeding.
The paramedics soon arrive on site.
Medic: "It's OK I'm a paramedic and I'm going to ask you some questions?"
Girl: "OK"
Medic: "What's your name?"
Girl: "Agie."
Medic: "OK Agie, is this your car?"
Morag: "Yes."
Medic: "Where are you bleeding from?"
Morag: "Ahm fae bleeding Bo'ness ya tube."
------------------------------------------------------------------------
------
A Bo'ness burd was driving down the M8 when her car phone rang.
It was her boyfriend, urgently warning her, "Listen Doll, I just heard on
the news that thur's a motor gawn the wrang wie oan the M8.
Better watch yersel'!"
"It's no' jist wan motor!" said the girl, "There's fu***n' hunners argh!> >
------------------------------------------------------------------------
-------
Another Bo'ness burd was involved in a serious crash; there's blood
everywhere.
The paramedics arrive and drag the girl out of the car till she's lying flat
out on the floor.
Medic: "OK, I'm going to check if you're concussed."
Danielle: "Ok."
Medic: "Ok the how many fingers am I putting up?"
Danielle: "Oh my god I'm paralysed from the waist down!"
------------------------------------------------------------------------
--------
A Bo'ness burd and a Weegie guy are in a bar when the girl notices something
strange about the Nikes the guy is wearing.
She says,"Here mate, ahm no' tryin tae take the piss ur ony'hin like'
that, but how
come you've goat an L oan wan ae yur gutties 'n' an R oan the other wan?"
So the guy smiles, puts down his bottle of cider and replies,
"Coz I'm a bit thick so Ah huv tae huv an L oan ma left fit 'n' an R oan ma
ma right wan."
"F*** sake" exclaims the girl "So thats how ma thongs've goat C&A oan thum!"
"JaR" <plentespam@nospamsofthome.net> wrote in message
news:O53YEs0cEHA.688@TK2MSFTNGP11.phx.gbl...
| Quote: | billyw wrote:
A ventriloquist visiting Wales, walks into a small village and sees a
local
sitting on his porch patting his dog. He figures he'll have a little
fun, so
he says to the Welshman "Can I talk to your dog?"
Oldie but goodie snipped
'Round these parts, when that joke is told, the villager becomes a
Montana rancher.
Montana; Where the men are men, and the sheep are nervous.
JaR |
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TechGeekPro
Guest
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| Posted: Mon Jul 26, 2004 10:30 pm Post subject: Re: OT:the welsh |
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On Jul 26, 2004 "billyw" blathered:
O.K. what's a "bo'ness burd"?
--
Tech "Confused Geek" Pro
MCNGP #36, MCSA, A+, Net+, i-Net+
I'm TechGeekPro, and I approved this post. |
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TechGeekPro
Guest
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| Posted: Mon Jul 26, 2004 11:30 pm Post subject: Re: OT:the welsh |
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On Jul 26, 2004 "billyw" blathered:
| Quote: | i wish you would read my intro..
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Was the explanation there? Because if it was, I missed it.
--
Tech "Observant Geek" Pro
MCNGP #36, MCSA, A+, Net+, i-Net+
I'm TechGeekPro, and I approved this post. |
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JaR
Guest
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| Posted: Mon Jul 26, 2004 11:30 pm Post subject: Re: OT:the welsh |
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billyw wrote:
| Quote: | what about these then, when told in your parts..
bo'ness is a town btw
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Them was brillyant, ye wae poofta.
The first four, cognizant of the PC police, have been around for a while
with various victims, but have of late morphed into "Blonde" jokes.
Blondes seem to be exempt from political correctness so far.
The others, I dinna ken would tell as weel we'out t'accent.
"A'hm fae bleedin' Bo'ness, ye tube!"
Tha's bluidy brillyant, yah!
JaR |
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billyw
Guest
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| Posted: Mon Jul 26, 2004 11:30 pm Post subject: Re: OT:the welsh |
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i wish you would read my intro..
burd=girl/woman (bird, but using local pronounce)
bo'ness.. is a town.. no you dont want to visit
"TechGeekPro" <%username%@gmail.com> wrote in message
news:Xns9532B97E18A69TechGeekPro@127.0.0.1...
| Quote: | On Jul 26, 2004 "billyw" blathered:
A Bo'ness burd
O.K. what's a "bo'ness burd"?
--
Tech "Confused Geek" Pro
MCNGP #36, MCSA, A+, Net+, i-Net+
I'm TechGeekPro, and I approved this post. |
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Andy Foster
Guest
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| Posted: Mon Jul 26, 2004 11:30 pm Post subject: Re: OT:the welsh |
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TGP enquired...
| Quote: |
O.K. what's a "bo'ness burd"?
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A young lady from bo'ness? |
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